Everyday you wake up and put on a face happy because you have stuff to do and a kid to take care. There is no time to fall apart. I have been trying to just suck it up and move on. One small set back after another and being disappointed in myself have left me feeling depressed. My weight loss is currently at a plateau. I'm trying to lose more but I'm not seeing results which results in me pulling away from the working out and watching what I eat. I think what the sense, it's not working. I think about working out at home....I could get on the elliptical but it's still broke. I have been trying to get it fixed and now replaced since Madison started school but it has been two months of frustration. We bought the machine so I could workout at home and I still have to go to the gym. Plus, I'm missing my husband. I miss his encouraging words and everything about him. The frustration of everyday things is starting to get to me. Madison was sick three days last week with a fever so she couldn't go to school but she acted normal. For anyone who doesn't know her, she's the Energizer bunny. Really that kid just goes and goes, even when she is sick. Sit down and relax. I think that being stuck in the house was the straw that broke the camels back. The downhill slide begins.
Last night I was in stuck in the muck, having myself a little pity party. This morning I wished that I could just sleep all day but I had to get up and get Maddie to school. Not to mention the list of stuff that I had to get done for the day. I got an email from my honey which lifted my spirts a little. Then for dinner tonight Madison and I decided we would have dinner on the deck. While we where eating I decided that I really need to trim some bushes. I trimmed the bushes but there were still dead leaves lying on the rocks below the bushes. It was time to get Maddie ready for bed but look I hadn't gotten all the work done I wanted. I looked at the flower bed, all the dead leaves were still on the rocks. Wait, what is that? A petal...a heart shaped rose petal layed on the rocks with all the dead trimmings. There was something beautiful. I went over to check it out. The first thing I thought was God Loves me. He's here with me even when life is loney and frustrating. He is here with me amd he will use all of my disappointments for good, whether I see it or not.
A message I try to read as a daily reminded to myself that my life is not my own.
